i can almost swear that i have way too much time to think during work. its killing me man. inside, outside and deep within. driving daggers into my heart and elsewhere. thank God for things to do, and for many thoughts and written (and unposted) entries.
i swear this is all rambling. good rambling. who knows what thoughts tmr might bring.
and who i might meet on the bus (or at the mrt station) to make/break my day.
such are the coincidences that He places in our lives. we just cant run away sometimes can we.
//
its amazing what manner of madness can do to you. what feelings and urges can make you do. and how situations and perceptions can change somebody.
no doubt, everyone comes with their own set of baggage. failed relationships, missed opportunities, rejections and stuff. but its pretty amazing how it all works out. in the end. i dont really understand, sometimes, most of the time, all the time, myself most of all. its like i perceive myself as something, but others see me in a different light. my intentions are as such, but my actions tell a different story, perhaps its the true me inside, arrogant, stubborn and most of all selfish ttm. maybe i might just purchase a shell and hide inside, selecting the manner which i choose to stick out my head and expose myself, or otherwise continue to wear my heart on my sleeve, affecting and influencing (for good or for worse, up to the individual to perceive) others with my robust and outward persona. not that im an extrovert or anything. i just feel like there is no point to hiding stuff?
though i must watch myself i know. sigh. blessings can be potholes is very good disguise, esp when it comes to getting to know somebody new. zzz
i watched untraceable that day on my own at j8, and i was just amazed by the level of technology (ok im constantly amazed by it) that is available to us today. sites that cannot be shut down, viewships numbers that just burst the ceiling every single time, even when the content is oh so wrong, or devious down to the very wire. something about our nature that leads us to watch it, the curiousity, and all that stuff i guess. (yet alone the sick manner which the guy took out his victims, i know its NOTHING compared to SAW or Battle Royale or something. but the means are endless.)
even my lousy blog, which gets updated sporadically according to my whims and fancies of the moment have garnered 50 hits in two days, or over the weekend. such stupidity this is, wanting to chart how many hits and viewers to my website i have, how many people actually ping my site to read the very nonsense you're reading right now. names, numbers, figures, percentages, ratios, comparisons. its the information age i tell you, people are just not happy with it. and they want more.
i am one of them, i want more.
hello viewer. welcome to my channel. you are viewer number.... (look there>>>)
you have just wasted a minute or two of your life. more to come=)
and there are people who actually do this for a LIVING and get PAID to blog, and live by their blogs and update first and stuff like that. its bloody genius.
a slow descent from unique to routine. the thrill of the moment. the thrill of the chase. the silence of the aftermath (is deafening)
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